Uses of the Interplanetary Gateway
by ZehHyperactiveAuthor
Summary: Sophie is a fairly average American living a fairly average life in London. Then a skinny man in a bow tie, brandishing what LOOKS like a silver pen, manages to completely turn her life upside-down. And explode her trashcan. And wreck her mother's car. And basically become a normal, havok-wreaking part of her slightly-less-than-normal life. I mean, a SQUARENESS gun. Seriously?
1. Planet in my Trashcan

**Me:**** I would like to say, before we begin, that I absolutely positively do not agree with Sophie's view of London. That's just her, not me. I have no intention of offending people. Enjoy!**

The screen door squeaked open, and Sophie Stevenson staggered through, then stumbled and fell from the weight of her cargo. Undaunted, she sat up, blew her frizzy red hair out of her face, and got to her feet. Then, she reached for the fallen garbage bag and slung it once again over her shoulder. This was quite a feat considering she was barely three feet tall and the bag was about the size of a small horse.

It was a fairly cold night, but then it was usually cold in London. She had moved here from America two weeks ago, for reason's which were beyond the six-year-old's comprehension. Her mother had been saying something about how thing's are always happening in London and she was tired of missing the excitement. Sophie thought their was plenty of excitement in America, but she was only six, so her opinion didn't count.

Everything was different here: the school, the dress code, the accents…Her mother _loved_ the accents, and was forever trying to imitate them. She encouraged her daughter to do the same. It was like trying to convince a cat to grow fins and swim. Sophie was _proud_ of being an American, thank-you-very-much! California was her _home_, and anyone who said otherwise would get a size-five shoeprint on their shin.

One thing remained the same though: chores. This included taking out the garbage.

After successfully crossing the driveway, she let the bag fall on the side walk and carefully rolled her shoulder, checking for permanent damage. Then, she reached up, removed the lid of the trashcan, and was nearly run over by the black blur that suddenly darted out of it. Having escaped it's prison, the blur then took off on all fours down the street, before turning out of sight.

There was a moment of silence as Sophie stared after it. The silence was broken by the sound of muffled yelling, footsteps, and a loud crash, all which seemed to be coming from the trashcan. A moment later, a grappling hook shot out of it and caught on the edge.

Then, a head popped out.

"Oh, hello there!" it greeted cheerfully.

Sophie stared. The head gave her a toothy grin, then yelped and disappeared. A muffled bang echoed through the can. "…Ow." A few seconds later, the man reappeared and heaved himself over the edge. Now on the street, the man stood up, straitened his bow tie, and looked around as though searching for something.

The man was unlike anyone Sophie had ever seen in her short, six years. He had a thin, wiry frame with a mop of disheveled brown hair atop his head. He was wearing red suspenders and a tweed jacket, both of which were incredibly old-fashioned. Underneath the jacket, he had on a striped dress shirt, with a red bow-tie that seemed to be thrown in just for the heck of it. All in all, his outfit made him look incredibly out of place.

That and the fact that he'd just climbed out of a trashcan that was a good two feet shorter than he was.

Being a child, Sophie could think of only one logical explanation. She tapped the man on the shoulder. "'Scuse me, Sir. Is it bigger on the inside?"

He whipped around so fast, Sophie had to take a step back. "What?" he asked.

"My trashcan," she clarified, oblivious to his strange behavior. "How did you fit in there? Is it bigger on the inside?"

Comprehension dawned on him. "Oh, right! No. It's not." He grinned at her. "It's a interplanetary gateway. Very inconvenient. Never know when one will pop up. One second, you're going through your closet, and the next you're on top of a volcano! Only this isn't a volcano. Or a closet. Can you _imagine_ having a volcano in your closet? Though I suppose you wouldn't need a heater. Have you seen my dog?"

Sophie wisely decided to ignore the subject of gateways and volcanoes, instead latching on to the one thing she could make sense of. "Your dog?"

The man grinned at her. "Yes. Well, no. It's not mine. Well, it _is _mine, but it's not really. I don't _own _it, but-"

"You're looking for a dog," Sophie simplified.

"Yes," he replied, peering again down the street. "Have you seen it? It's black. But it doesn't have a nose. It's a nose-less dog. From Barcelona. Not the city Barcelona, the _planet_ Barcelona. I'm there. But not anymore. I mean I _was_ there. But now I'm here." He grinned at her giddily. "Aren't gateways _amazing_?"

Sophie blinked in surprise and peered down the 'gateway'. "I have a planet in my trashcan?"

"Yes. Well, no. It's a gateway. To a planet."

"So the planet's in the gateway and the gateway's in my trashcan. Wouldn't that make the planet in my trashcan?"

"No. Yes. Maybe?" He pouted, annoyed at her logic, and suddenly leaned over her, looking suspicious. "It's because you're _ginger_, isn't it?

Sophie frowned. She wasn't sure what 'ginger' was, other than I type of seasoning. She was fairly sure she wasn't seasoning. "Are you-..crazy?", she asked him, completely serious. She'd just stopped herself from saying 'mad'. That was an English word, and she was American. She would always be American.

He grinned at her again. "Almost definitely." Then, he glanced down the street again. "But I really need that dog. It swallowed my screwdriver. Not the first to do it, either. It was once eaten by a shark. A flying shark. Well, technically it was swimming through fog, which wasn't really _actual_ fog, but a collection of-"

"The dog went that way," Sophie interrupted, pointing down the street. not wanting to keep the crazy person around. He seemed harmless enough, but after growing up in San Francisco, she'd learned to avoid crazy people, especially at night.

The man grinned in the direction of the dog. "Wonderful!" He took off down the street without so much as a thank you.

Sophie stared after him until he disappeared, then glanced back at the trashcan. Unable to resist, she leaned over the edge and peered inside. All she saw was the bottom of a trashcan. She frowned, then shrugged. Oh well. Then, she picked up the giant garbage bag and, after a lot of grunting and heaving, finally managed to get it over the edge and into the trashcan.

CRASH!

"_**Oi!**_ **Rory**!"

"What are you yelling at _me_ for?"

"I've got _egg_ in my _hair_!"

"I-It fell from the sky!"

"_Rory_!"

"It _did_!"

Sophie cringed. "Sorry!" she called down the can, then slammed the lid on it and ran inside.

Once the door was closed, she giggled madly. She couldn't believe it! Her very own interplanetary gateway! Her mom was right; England _was_ interesting! Maybe coming here wasn't such a bad thing after all. She _did_ have a portal to another world in her trashcan, after all. Being six, Sophie found nothing unbelievable about that; she saw portals on cartoons all the time, and if it's on TV, it_ must_ be real. She'd never seen one in a trashcan before, though.

Sophie was grinning through her whole supper, her mind full of planning. She took out the trash every night! She could enter the portal then, and her parents would never even know it! She wondered what type of planet it was. Was the sky purple? Was the _grass_ purple? Did it even _have_ grass? Maybe it had aliens! Maybe she could bring back alien stuff, like ray guns! Momentarily, she considered getting a flying saucer, but she didn't think it would fit through her trashcan.

Her thoughts were interrupted by shouting from outside, mixed with the sounds of barking. The crazy garbage man! He must've found his dog! Quickly excusing herself, Sophie made a mad dash outside.

She threw the screen door open, and sure enough, there was the garbage man, grunting and muttering as he threw his weight against a black shape. Walking closer, she found the shape to be a dog with its hindquarters sticking out of the trashcan. Giving one last shove, the man finally pushed the yelping dog over the edge.

"And _back_ you go!" he cried, before dusting his hands off.

Shouts immediately came from the can, mixed with the panicked yelping of a dog. "Ah! Hey! What the-"

"Eek! _**RORY**_!"

"It wasn't me!"

The garbage man raised his eyebrows in surprise at the voices, then dashed to the can and leaned over the edge. "Ah! There you are! Keep a hold of that dog, will you?" That being said, he scrambled over the side and slid down the rope. A moment later, the grappling hook detached itself.

BONK!

"_**Ow**_! Doctor, what-"

"Oh, good!" replied the garbage man. "You caught the dog! Just a moment…" A high pitch whining sound suddenly filled the air.

Then, the trashcan exploded.

Sophie stared in horror at the wreckage and debris where the can had once stood. That man had just destroyed her portal! How-How _dare_ he! That was her only chance for freedom, and he just went and blew it up!

She stood there, looking forlornly at the scattered remnants of her gateway, even as her parents called her inside. As she turned begrudgingly toward the door, she vowed that she would _find_ that garbage man. She would find him, and _make_ him take her to another planet! It was only fair, since it was _all his fault_!

Of course, Sophie searched for days with no results. After awhile, she forgot about the crazy man in the bowtie and moved on to other parts of her life.

She didn't see him again until about four years later, when a lizard melted her school bus.

**Me:**** See that shiiiiiiiiny blue button down there? Poke it!**

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	2. Fire Breathing Lizard in my Schoolbus

"Sophie! Hurry up!"

"Coming!" Sophie called, quickly stuffing her lunch into her backpack.

"The _bus_ is _leaving_, Sophie!"

"I'm _coming_!" Sighing, the ten-year-old thundered out the door, stuffing the last of her toast into her mouth. She really needed to wake up earlier.

Sophie met her mother at the end of the walkway. The disheveled woman was frowning at her, still in her nightgown, recently retrieved mail in hand. "Let me guess…Your alarm again?"

The girl nodded. "Yeah. I set it for PM instead of AM."

Beside them, the bus blasted the horn. Her mother winced. "You'd best be off then."

Sophie nodded again, kissed her mother goodbye, and dashed toward the bus driver who was making a big show of slowly continuing on without her. She reached the doorway as it was closing, barely managing to squeeze herself in. The door shut on her backpack straps. She sighed. "Good morning, Harold."

"That's Mr. Harold to you," the driver grumbled, his eyes on the road. "Get to your seat."

"You went to work without your coffee again, didn't you?"

"Your _seat_."

Sophie ignored him, turning to tug at her backpack until the straps jerked loose. Then, she undid the zipper and dug around until her hand closed around something cold and round. "Here," she said, offering an energy drink to the surprised driver who accepted it with a grunt.

Her peace offering successfully delivered, Sophie strode down the walkway in-between the seats, sitting in the very back. She felt the bus lurch slightly as it officially 'got going' and closed her eyes, feeling it bump and rumble down the road. It was almost like a massage, and she nearly fell asleep.

THUD.

Her eyes snapped open.

"What was that?" someone asked.

The bus suddenly went quiet as everyone stopped what they were doing to listen. They heard what sounded like an animal skittering along the roof.

"A squirrel?" a boy guessed.

"No, too big," objected another.

"A raccoon, then?"

"I don't care what it is!" Harold thundered from the front. "I want it off my bus!"

The creature, whatever it was, didn't hear him or didn't care. The children listened as it skittered down the length of the bus, stopping directly above where Sophie was sitting. Seconds later, the roof underneath the animal suddenly started melting. She swallowed and quickly moved out of the way. A strange sound, like roaring wind, was coming from where the creature must be. The sound was soon forgotten, however, as all the children started screaming, surging in one jumbled mass toward the front.

All except Sophie. The little fifth-grader was hypnotized, staring as the roof started caving in. It gave way with a soupy 'SHLOUP!', the same sound her boots made walking through the mud. Climbing out of the sunk-in seat, molten metal dripping from its writhing form was a…a…lizard. At least, it _resembled_ a lizard. At first.

Then, it stood, and Sophie could see that it had six legs, not four, and that it was about the size of a raccoon. A red scaly raccoon with one eye and webbed feet and claws. It blinked calmly at her, almost curiously, and cocked its head slightly to the side.

Sophie was too shocked to scream. She vaguely heard Harold yelling at her to get away from it.

THUD.

She jerked her head up to the roof. Another? This one didn't sound like an animal, though. In fact, it sounded strangely like footsteps.

"Oh, _look_ at you!" a voice cried from above Sophie's head. The lizard-type-thing glanced up through the hole it had made, focusing on what must have been the voice's source. It blinked a moment, then opened its mouth and spat blue fire. There was a loud thump and the voice grunted as it ducked to avoid the flaming projectile.

Another sound followed, and Sophie whirled around as a man suddenly dropped out of square hole in the roof that definitely hadn't been there before. The man hopped to his feet and straitened his bowtie, taking in his surroundings. "That's more like it," he proclaimed, talking to no one in particular. "Nearly got knocked off by a tree. A low tree. Trees that low should be illegal. Never know when someone might need to go hopping around on the roofs of school busses."

He paused, frowning, and turned toward the front to the petrified children staring at him. "_There_ you all are! What are you all hiding over there for?" He turned again, facing the creature. Or rather, facing Sophie, who was currently standing between them. "Oh, hello there," he greeted her cheerily, then held up what looked like a cross between a water gun and a classic alien death ray. "Squareness gun," he told her, grinning stupidly and looking very proud of himself.

"Squareness gun," Sophie repeated dully, her mind still not having quite caught up. "Seriously?"

The man opened his mouth to respond, then suddenly tackled her to the side as a burst of flame flew past them, taking out the front window. He hauled himself up on the seat, his brown hair everywhere, and grinned at her again, continuing on as if they hadn't just narrowly avoided death. "I traded it for a banana. A good banana too. No spots, no bruises, no-"

"Is that lizard thing yours?" Sophie demanded, interrupting.

"Yes. Well, no, actually. It's not mine. Well it _is_ mine, but not really."

Sophie stared at him, the whole conversation seeming strangely familiar. She'd seen this man before, a long time ago. Who was he again?

"And it's not a _lizard thing_," the man continued, oblivious. He said the words like they were a disease, looking offended. "It's a belruse hatchling from the planet-"

"Did you bring it here?"

"Oh, yes, lets all blame the man with the bowtie!"

"And suspenders."

"_And_ suspenders!" He threw an arm up in the air. "Really, what's it take to get some decent appreciation a round here? No, this belruse stumbled through a whole in space. Very nasty little things. Been popping up everywhere for some reason."

"Interplanetary gateways," Sophie whispered, feeling like she'd been hit with a refrigerator as a memory suddenly crashed into her. This was the garbage man, the one from when she was little. The one with the nose-less dog from the planet Barcelona. Or something like that.

The man suddenly leaned close to her, completely invading her personal space and forcing her to scoot back a few inches. "Have we met?" he asked, suddenly serious, and Sophie swallowed.

"Yes. You blew up my trashcan."

A heartbeat passed, and suddenly he grinned again. "Looking forward to it," he told her, and suddenly stood. Sophie sat there a moment longer, taking his response and rearranging the words, trying to make sense of them.

"Right!" The man rubbed his hands together. "Let's go catch ourselves a belruse." With that, he hopped over the seat, pointing what looked like a silver pen at it. Well, were it used to be anyway.

Sophie cautiously peered over the seat to see him frowning at a melted hole in the side of the bus.

"Right," he muttered. "Should've seen that coming. Driver!" he called, whirling around. "Stop the bus!"

Harold completely ignored him. "Is it gone?"

"Yes, and I need to go after it."

"Nope."

The garbage man stared at him. "No?" he clarified.

"Nope. Gotta get the kids to school."

Sophie grinned. Good old Harold.

The skinny man frowned, pocketed his pen, and marched down the isle toward the front, the children's eyes following him the whole way. Once there, he reached over with every intention of driving the bus himself. Harold, without so much as a glance in the man's direction, socked him in the stomach. The children winced, hearing the air whoosh from his lungs as he doubled over, gasping.

Ouch.

"My bus. My rules." Harold informed him, still watching the road. Sophie rolled her eyes. Good old Harold. The man was as stubborn and inflexible as an ox. She sighed, digging into her backpack. She'd been _hoping_ to save this for a special occasion. But then it wasn't every day a giant six-legged lizard melted through the roof of your school bus. Or a skinny man in a bowtie for that matter.

Muttering to herself, Sophie swung her backpack over her shoulder, strode to the front, and held a small black notebook under Harold's nose. She could feel the skinny man's eyes upon her as she smiled sweetly at her driver. "You dropped this."

Harold paled slightly, recognizing the booklet instantly. He fixed her with a steely, albeit nervous glare. "Who did you tell?" he demanded.

"No one," Sophie replied innocently. She grinned. "Yet."

The man on the floor raised an eyebrow, his brown eyes flicking back and forth between the two.

Thirty seconds later, the bus pulled over at the nearest curb. The garbage man practically hopped down the steps, grinning wildly. "Thanks for the lift!" he called, waving back at Harold cheerily. Harold's response was to grunt and drive off.

Sophie just barley managed to dive out of the closing doorway, rolling over and over on the sidewalk. She stood as fast as she could and shouted after the disappearing vehicle. "Two seconds! You couldn't have waited _two seconds_." She sighed, adjusting her backpack. "Every time…"

Meanwhile, the man whipped out what looked like a little grey bowl with a mini steering wheel sticking out of one side and a rubix cube glued to the other. The bowl made a small 'ding' and the man shook it. "No, no, not me," he told it, spinning the little wheel. "It's the _belruse_ you're looking for. The _belruse_. There's only one belruse on this-" He paused as the thing dinged again. "Oh." He frowned. "That's not good."

"What's not good?" Sophie asked, coming up beside him.

The man whirled around, his arms flailing everywhere, nearly tripping over his own two feet. "Oh. Hello there." He grinned, then frowned again. "What are you doing here?"

"Following you," she told him, adjusting her backpack again. "What is that anyway?"

"Why?"

"Because it looks weird."

The man shook his head. "No, no, no, I mean why are you following me? And it's not weird." He held it out to her. "It's a scanner."

Sophie scrutinized it disapprovingly. "Looks rubbish to me."

"_Rubbish_?" the man repeated, looking hurt. "This is top technology."

"Top technology made out of junk."

"Well, yes, but that's _not the point_. You can make a lot of good things out of junk. Useful things. Brilliant things. Things that go ding when there's a belruse nearby." As if on cue, the 'scanner' dinged again, and the man sent it a frown. "Stop it," he told it, then walked down the sidewalk, still staring at the scanner.

Sophie hurried after him. "Has it got a screen?"

"What?" he muttered distractedly. "Yes, of _course_ it's got a screen. What kind of scanner doesn't have a screen?"

"A rubbish one."

"It's not _rubbish_." The man paused, still staring at the scanner, then held it up to the sky, like someone trying to get good reception.

"What about a keyboard?" Sophie persisted. "Has it got a keyboard?"

"No, why would it need a keyboard?"

Her look turned deadpan. "Right. Because who needs a keyboard when you've got a rubix cube?"

"Exactly." He spun the wheel again. "Why are you following me?" he asked once more, still studying the scanner.

Sophie shrugged. "A six-legged, fire-breathing cyclops lizard melted through the roof of my school bus and you're chasing it. Besides, you exploded my trashcan."

He finally looked away from the scanner to grin at her. "Yes, I did, didn't I? What's your name?"

"Sophie," she told him.

"Sophie, eh? _Sophie_? I once new someone named Sophie. She liked _monkeys_ and _Craig _and _football_ and nearly had her brained fried by a ship's holographic interface. Lovely woman."

Sophie stared at him for a moment. Again, she fruitlessly tried to comprehend his words. When her head started hurting, she wisely settled on a different topic. "So, where's the gateway this time?"

"Gateway? What gateway?"

She sent him a look, annoyed. "The interplanetary gateway."

The man smiled, his eyes lighting up. "Ah, yes, that gateway. Very inconvenient. Never know when one-"

"-Will pop up," Sophie interrupted. "Yes, yes, I know."

He pouted at her, looking offended. "Yes, well, no need to get _snippy_."

The scanner dinged again, cutting off whatever Sophie had to say, and the man gave a shout of triumph. "Ah-ha! Yes! _Here_ we go!" Before she could say anything, he took off, running after whatever the scanner had shown him.

Sophie struggled after him. "Hey, wait up!" She followed the man to the edge of the sidewalk, where he suddenly stopped, making Sophie run into him. He barely noticed her, fixated on the device. He turned it this way and that, then suddenly took off the way they'd came. Sophie stared after him for a moment, then followed him again. He continued for about two blocks, stopped again, gave the 'scanner' a shake, and took off.

This continued for nearly a half-hour. Every now and then, he'd randomly stop, frowning, and whirl around a few times, spinning in circles until he found what he was looking for. Occasionally, he'd yell at the device and/or point his pen at it. Then, he'd be off again with a shout, his tweed jacket whipping about behind him.

The ten-year-old huffed after him, wondering if all of this running was worth her mother's wrath when she found out Sophie hadn't been to school. But then, there _had_ been a monster in her bus, so she supposed she had a bit of an excuse. Hadn't her mother always told her to never miss out on an opportunity?

Finally, the man slowed to a walk, muttering to himself until he came to a stop in front of a museum. Sophie ran into him, nearly knocking him over. "Hey!" she shouted, jumping back. "Will you quit doing that?"

He looked back at her innocently. "Doing what? And what are you doing here?"

She folded her arms. "I _told_ you, I'm following you." She glanced around. "Is it nearby?"

"Is what?"

"The belruse?"

His eyes lit up. "Oh! Yes, yes, it _should_ be."

"According to your rubbish scanner."

"It's not _rubbish_!"

"Right. And neither is your pen."

"Pen?"

"The silver thing."

He frowned indignantly, digging into his coat pocket and producing said 'silver thing'. "It's a _screwdriver_," he corrected.

Sophie folded her arms. "It looks like a pen."

"It's _sonic_." The man huffed, pocketing the little device.

"I makes noise?" Sophie clarified, raising an eyebrow. "My, how useful."

The scanner pinged again, earning another frown. "I said stop it!" he told it, shaking it again, then reached down to the road and tried to pry off a manhole cover. After a bit of staring, Sophie reached down to help him. "It's underground?" she guessed.

The man grunted, letting the heavy cover fall to the street with a thud. "Yup."

"I'm not going down there."

"All right then. Bye!" Tucking the scanner into his pocket, he started heading down the small ladder.

Sophie was trying to figure out how something that big had even fit into his pocket when something occurred to her. "Wait!" she called after him. "Who are you, anyway?"

He paused a moment to grin up at her, that same smug grin. "I'm the Doctor." With that, he disappeared out of sight.

**Me:**** See that shiiiiiiiiny blue button down there? Poke it!**

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